Ready or Not

Piney Marks the Path, Pine Barrens, NJ

I am just about one month out from embarking on an adventure, a journey that promises to be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.  It was all my choice, in fact I was very persistent about being considered for the position.  Position, hah!

On the surface, it seems that I have committed six months of my life to living in my tent in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, enjoying very few luxuries, including no running shower, no electricity at all, making fire for warmth, forfeiting an income, and stirring a ten-gallon pot of stew for hungry students who won't even realize that a one-pot meal is exactly what they should be eating at this moment.  

But who still focusses on what's on the surface anymore?  I know I certainly wouldn't be doing this if I were still stuck like a fly to sticky tape to the surface.  When it comes down to it, the Tracker School has opened a door to the attic in my mind.  This door has always been there at the top of the stairs, but the cobwebs and dust that have formed around it made it easy for me to forget its existence altogether.  The knowledge of what's beyond this door into eternity seems to have always been with me, lying dormant like some untreatable virus that threatens to wreak havoc if ever awoken.  

Clearing the Air

There is this world of pure truths and deep mysteries alike, sharing the same space and no space at all.  This world of spirit can be reached in many ways, accidentally and by purpose.  LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca, and mescaline are some well known transcendent-aids for people who have made the conscious decision that they are ready and willing to be thrust into a world they have never known, but have subconsciously yearned for since their conception.  Reading Carlos Casteneda's series of books has given me a unique respect for this method of reaching the countless entities that are constantly watching us in our world.  It has instilled enough wonderment and curiosity in me to follow this path to a certain extent myself.  The intensity of these foreign chemicals entering into my human form and bringing me across the threshold of reality and perception has led to a duality of conclusions.  This is based on the idea that Tom Brown Jr. has been able to prove to me, that the same mysterious world of spirit that Casteneda speaks of, is one that can be reached through the help of no hallucinogens at all.  

Employing various awareness exercises, traditional Native American sacred ceremonies, and incorporating the basic primitive skills such as fire by friction and tracking, Tom claims to reach the same manner of connectedness that Carlos does, however on a completely different plane.  The methods are so different, and yet equally as viable as the other.  This duality, this forked road that does in fact lead to the same spirit in the sky, seems to all be some sort of alluring proposition.  I see nothing more sensical than, while lost in this world of what's simply on the surface, the billions of worker bees buzzing around, bed to job to school to gym to bed, to try to reach a higher level, by whatever means one sees fit.  

On a Quest for Roots, Long Beach, CA

That's precisely where this six-month internship comes into play.  I have already busted through the barriers of the surface, the meniscus can no longer hold the volume in the beaker.  It is time to try something new, even if it hurls me into a world I am deathly afraid of.  But if there is one thing that I know for sure after 23 years of struggling through this wondrous world, it is that fear is something to be embraced and appreciated, just as one would hold onto a loved one for protection.  Fear and death constantly act as advisors in my life, always walking ten paces behind me, whispering in my ear, casting shadows, and giving their advice.  All I know for sure right now is that in one month, I will be taking the very persuasive advice of my overindulgent fear-body, and basically let go of the world I have known.  But I am constantly reassured that I won't regret any of this.  Although I may not be as perfectly prepared as I "should" be for this internship, everything will be fine.  Tom always says that it's not a matter of whether you get all of the steps of a ceremony completely correct, but as long as your intent is pure and intact, the message will get across.  That's what I'm banking on.